when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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