ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
