at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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