May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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