I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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