how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
