happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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