well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize