Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
vagina is talking i cant
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
