i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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