my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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