my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
