As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
