id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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