Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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