I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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