I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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