Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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