have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
