did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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