PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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