Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
