i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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