ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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