look no pants
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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