This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
