If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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