i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
