I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
