I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This house was built for laser tag.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
