If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
