It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
