I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
