He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
