So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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