remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
