Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
