Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize