Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
