I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
