I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
