Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
