So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
