Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
