she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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