Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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