I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
