i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
