Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
