Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
