Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
