You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
