I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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