Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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