I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
