Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
