brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
