I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
