The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
