I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
