Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
