how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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