We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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