I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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