We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
