Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
