there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
