No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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