She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
