It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Life is so much better after having sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
